The reason? Me: Still the wrong number. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? The Army will post guards around the building. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! You can see why: Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas 2. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. 1. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Heres what they came up with: I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. A Recruiter Misled You. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. It was sheer brilliance. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. SUB sandwiches! 50. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Why were the Marines invented? Now, lets try it again! The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Rodrigues there? There are many branches of the military. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Flight Announcements 4. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Caller: Is Sgt. They bagged six. Later, I spoke with Mom. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Want more amazing military jokes? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. 41. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Stay out of clouds. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. The Lasting Supper Semper Pie Grandpapa Johns Pizza. USMC: OHH! 34. What does ARMY mean to you? A friend paid my mother a visit. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. (Hang up. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). 11. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Landings are mandatory. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. The c.i.a. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. 37. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Marine: Wait, stop. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Later, I spoke with Mom. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. you cant do both. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Its a NO FLY zone! What do hungry Marines eat? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. I was the cook.. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? I was the tallest guy in line. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. 5. ! Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. He then made his way to my side. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Eat up! Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. Then came Dads ships turn. Do you have change for a dollar? Do not attempt to shave with fire. 49. How tough? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? How old are you? a tenant asked. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. If pilots screw up, they die. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. with someone braver than you.'. 1. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 44. Theyre U.S. AF! A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Rodrigues? An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Ive been sandblasted.. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. When Is Military Appreciation Month? ", 55. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Airmens mess, sir.. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. toddler not afraid of strangers, siu mailroom hours, wonderfold w2 snack tray,
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