I will keep it in mind the next time I will find myself in such a situation. I think there is this thin line between empathy and pity which one should not cross when trying to approach the parent of a kid with disabilities. The best gift you can make to a parent of a disabled child is to show empathy. If this were true, people wouldn't be drug addicts or homeless. Gern geschehn! Or a simple response like: "Wow, I didn't know that" is probably going to be a better choice. What do you need most this coming week? 5. ", 7. And like so many other questions and comments, there's a time and a place for it. Research suggests that disabled children are three times more likely than their peers to be bullied. Posted at 6:11 PM, Jul 27, 2020 . Part of HuffPost Parenting. because you're simply curious, I suspect most parents are not going to be a fan of that. Mar 21, 2012 Thinkstock. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. A parent's worst fear is the death of a child. Vielen Dank Ute! Avoiding a conversation with another parent because their child has a special need is not the way to go. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, Raise the kind of person you'd like to know, 15 things you should never say to a parent of a child who has special needs, an AFO is not a cast and that these children most likely do not have broken legs. Again, heaping guilt on the parent of a special needs child is just simply cruel. That can lead to anger and even abuse. They didn't have the frame of reference that my son is far too familiar with. Alternative: "You are such a great mom. Compliment us without a reference to our child's challenges. 17. Alternative: Parents of children who have special needs can be a bit sensitive. Local councils should, for example, make sure that health and education departments and housing associations work together to protect and promote the welfare of children. Call/text me anytime. might be preferable to many parents. At the moment, […], At the moment our teenagers have term break. My recommendation here is a comment like: "I know another child who has autism; he's really into trains. And no, I didn't make it up, it was asked of a real actual friend of mine. ( Log Out /  That doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't make us sad. 13. Don’t just say you are thinking about us, ask how you can help and then follow through. I have yet to meet a parent of a child with disabilities who hasn’t heard a whole lot of nonsense from people who never intended to speak nonsense. Helping out If you have a sibling (brother or sister) who has a disability, then there are things you can do to help that person, as well as help your family and yourself. I remember being in floods of tears simply because I’d run out of milk and couldn’t make a cup of tea all day. Parents of disabled children often have to juggle work, sleepless nights, household tasks and countless medical appointments for their child without the support and advice that they need. You may useful information on general advice and how to get support in other sections of this website. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! An employee with 26 weeks of service with the same employer has the right to make a request to work flexibly. ", 15. ", Alternative: The above statement may be heard as quite condescending when it's reserved only for children who have special needs. Sometimes people notice, stare, and walk away because they just don't know what to say. See more ideas about words, inspirational quotes, me quotes. By Amanda Greene Kelly. Let them tell you as much as they want. A comment like: "Wow, I didn't realize that, she looks like she's doing amazing, you must be so proud!" I bet they keep you busy. The best gift you can make to a parent of a disabled child is to show empathy. There are meals to cook, piles of toys and clothes to clean up, homework to help with. A comment like “That’s tough,” is appropriate for most of these situations. What not to say: Comments on work, such as: "It must be nice coming late" after running around all morning at appointments or "It must be nice getting to relax all day since you don't have a job. I am the parent of a “disabled” child. The law about children is designed to keep a child safe and well and, if necessary, help the child to live with their family by providing suitable services for the child's needs. I just read a post by Tatu and thought that listing up a few things to say to a parent of a child with a disability would help a bit. They’re always being told how their child does not meet developmental markers on time, so anything positive is heartwarming. But there’s a reason you should reach out to the parents of kids with special needs—it will make your own kid more open-minded, flexible and empathetic. What not to say: "He's one of God's special angels. and last updated 2020-07-27 18:13:58-04. Trying to make sense of loss in these ways can make the grieving parents feel like you're minimizing their child's death. Thank you very much, Vera! Taking care of your child and doing whatever is necessary to help them is not what “special” people do, it is what parents do. Here are some questions I found in the article mentioned above: “Would you let me take him/her to the park on Tuesday afternoons?”  “Want some help getting the wheelchair into and out of the car when you go to therapy sessions? Give us an opening and we are likely to brag up a storm. I will always be offended by the "R" word. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. The teachers are there. That would be like me saying "You are a great mom, you fed your kids dinner tonight." It is absolutely possible to see a child with a disability and choose to comment on something that is not related to the disability. 6. Having a child with special needs … Four in five (81%) say it’s a significant barrier to staying in work. ", Alternative: This one is pretty simple: it's not your place to judge anyone else or the decisions they make. Parents of child with special needs say virtual isn't working, son is regressing. Thanks for inspiring me for this post. ", Alternative: Once again, judgmental comments should be avoided. We know that children are more likely to be bullied when they are vulnerable in some way. This is a genuine question and most parents of disabled children would not object to this question being asked. How to support a parent of a child with special needs. Parents just don't want to hear these. What not to say: "Why didn't you stop having kids after the first one? Telling us that we are the ones who can do it sounds like we are the ones who were meant for this, while you were meant to have "normal" children. 9 Things Never to Say to a Parent of a Special Needs Child. Asking a question about genetics or prognosis or even saying you didn't know anything was "wrong with him" is going to be received very differently if I am forced to answer or respond to you in front of my child. June 21, 2018 ©Shutterstock/Africa Studio. They all need our prayers and support. But otherwise, my family looks much the same as anyone else’s. Each child's diagnosis is different and each parent will respond differently to the news that her child has a special need. ", 11. I once overheard a child who was visiting while my son received an infusion that required multiple needle sticks to access a vein tell him, "I never cry when I get my shots." While I truly believe most people who say things like that mean well, perhaps what would be more helpful than a list of “what not to say” is a list of “what to say.” If you have a friend who parents a child with a disability, here are 12 comments every parent wants to hear. Number 1 Fan. It touched my heart. It may take a few more words, but it's well worth the effort to put the child first in your language. As friends or family you should try to recognize them as parents who are experts about this child and avoid any kind of „good advices“. Although opposite of this sentiment, one parent shared the other side of “spiritualizing” disability when she was told, “You are cursed by the sins of your ancestors.” 2. I’m glad you liked this post and thank you for linking to it on your blog! By Anchel Krishna September 2, 2014. You may find that quick drop-ins are appreciated more than anything else. We all say things we wish we could take back from time to time. I've had more energy since I started juicing -- maybe it would help your son, too." There is a reason the divorce rate for parents of children with special needs is three times that of parents of children without special needs. Like all parents, I love my kid hard and worry about him even harder. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Ask “He’s hypersensitive to smell. Saying "Your son has such a lovely voice for a disabled child" truly ruins the intended sentiment. As always, you should just be thoughtful in the words you use. Obviously, that’s the case whether your child has special needs or not. If they are, listen and learn and maybe ask questions that show them that you’re willing to learn. Better options include: "Sounds like you had a busy morning of appointments with your little one, I hope everything went well" or "With everything you do with your son every day, it's like a full-time job! Helpful post! Keeping your child alive – sometimes literally – becomes all consuming. Note the absence of a reference to the child's challenges. ", Alternative: People want to connect with other people and they often try to do this through shared experiences. With thanks to all the parents of disabled children who helped us develop this content. Conditional friendship: where a child thinks someone is being their friend but phases of friendliness are alternated with phases of bullying. Drop off bagels, cream cheese, and fruit one morning. It is better to approach the parent in a respectful manner and say "My son would like to know about your child can you tell him about her please" Offer to bring food to the hospital and ask what else they need which might include helping with other children at home, … "What a cute dress your daughter's wearing," or "I love your son's new haircut," or "What lovely manners your little ones have," or "You must be so proud of your daughter" or "Your son has a lovely singing voice." Don’t be afraid to tell them your fears, they will probably be keen to give you helpful advices. If you ask, we won’t ask you to do anything you can’t do.We might not need help, but the thought matters. ", 9. This is especially true in the case of a child with a disability. Traditional Dutch games for children: Sjoelbak, Koekhappen en Spijkerpoep, Health care providers all over the world: help to find, add and rate them, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #5 Adjust your pace!…, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #4 Celebrating Easter in 2020, Staying home with teens in times of COVID19 #3 To plan or not to plan, that’s the question. Every day I wonder if I’m doing what’s best for my child. By: Abby Isaacs. Remember we're humans, too. ©2021 Verizon Media. Never say, "Well, it must have been for the best," or "It was God's will." Special needs children and remote warning. Saying "Your … ": what does this German wish really mean? 7 things you SHOULD say to the parent of an autistic child Violet Fenn Tuesday 15 Dec 2015 8:36 am Share this article via facebook Share this article via twitter Share this article via messenger All too many times there is neither time nor energy to be a couple. Parents of kids with special needs like to hear the same things as most parents. Your child has challenges and weak points—and also strong points and lovable quirks. When there is a child in the family who has a disability it can be challenging for all of the family - including the child who has the disability - and other children in the family. Friends, acquaintances, family members and complete strangers are remarkably comfortable questioning and commenting on various aspects of our lives. Making an effort to put the child first in our language helps us to remember that these little people are human beings, children, sons, daughters, students, friends, sisters, brothers, athletes, dancers or singers. ( Log Out /  Treating me like a “warrior” or “chosen one” … or "Why don't you watch this movie about the keto diet? Those of us on the periphery but still witnesses to terminal diagnosis, illness and the death of a child often don't know what to say. At least in my experience with my friends who have kids with all sorts of disabilities, empathy is the most natural way to approach them, in every situation. Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Leseliste für Third Culture Kids (Drittkultur-Kinder), Expat Since Birth – A Life spent "abroad", I’ve been trying to think how I could help–but I don’t know anything about [child’s condition/ parents’ situation]. As I worked on these ideas, I learned there are times, places and relationships where many of the following comments and questions are welcome and completely acceptable. “He wanted to please them, wanted to be friends so he didn’t see it as a problem.” Exploitative bullying: where features of a child’s condition are used to bully them. Every day we face new challenges. June 3, 2015 at 10:00 a.m. UTC . 2. Telling us that we are the ones who can do it sounds like we are the ones who were meant for this, while you were meant to have "normal" children. Unfortunately, that something may be hurtful to both the parent and child. For instance, if a question comes up while I'm chatting with a close friend over coffee I'm usually completely comfortable answering it. Rather than saying you nearly had a stroke or an epileptic fit, you might go with: "That really freaked me out!" They often have a really hard time and the best is just to listen, to be there, to care. All rights reserved. Here are a few hints about what you could say. Your kids are so polite!" 2. They might look fine, but a disabled child is in fact a disabled family. What not to say: "How in the world did you break both your legs?". Photo: Anchel Krishna . What not to say: "I nearly had a stroke" or "I think I'm going to have an epileptic fit" or "Are you retarded?". Any parent told this will immediately hear that their child who has a disability is worth less than other children who do not, says Dryden. I get it—it can be intimidating to know exactly what to say when you meet a kid with special needs. You can offer to do some grocery shopping, any practical help is mostly welcome. 1) For those who are close enough and feel that they have the right to know more, you can ask questions like: “I notice James isn’t talking/walking etc.?”. Sometimes we just need a friend. Pray for the parents of children with special needs: that they will be wise and experience God’s grace. However, I will answer you, I will educate you and I will probably encourage you to choose your words more wisely in the future. Facebook; Twitter; email; Print; 0 shares; Parents of children with … A better option might be: "What a cute kiddo, he's got a great smile. I have to admit I was a little miffed by this comment, after I had just spent half an hour jabbing him with needles and digging around trying to get a vein. N'T mean to be offensive, but a disabled child, and fruit one morning things that make feel...: just to listen, to care activities you know they enjoy better! From time to time unintentionally insult or hurt people we care about with thoughtless words and sometimes do... Disabled family that! on general advice and how to support a friend or family member would:! When you meet a kid with special needs has autism may not understand why he struggles with peer.! ) where they are better than the original statements hear negative things all the parents carers.: that they might tell you as much as they want else ’ s tough, ” is appropriate most! People do n't have super powers few hints about what to say: `` did you cause to! All parents, I suspect most parents worry about him even harder them tell you things that are to. Parent I can be challenging and isolating at the end of the jerks, the people who things..., any practical help is mostly welcome needs, they may not have any time for social at. To understand that external help is mostly welcome a special need one morning your child has a needs! Great article by a parent of a disabled child is to show empathy often try do! Drug addicts or homeless of school of non-disabled children too many times there is neither time energy... Will be able to help... and what they say and accept fact. Be offended nevertheless got a great mom, you should never say to the child first in your details or. Me immensely with raising my child, and I will keep it in mind the next I... Place for it son tires out really easily unnatural than children getting sick and dying prior their... I will keep it in mind the next time I will always be offended by the `` R word... Meals to cook, piles of toys and clothes to clean up, it God... There is neither time nor energy to be a couple go with `` that 's sort of the following and. Like he 's doing awesome! CP ; he 's really into trains was necessary... You did n't know anything was wrong with a disabled child is fact... Always being told how their child better choice “ or „ I him/her! Thoughtless words and sometimes we do n't grow out of it, right? `` dilemma! A couple that they will be able to help with those parents have been for the disorder. Personal support, and walk away because they just got into the [ … ], at the,... 29, 2010, 9:24 pm 0 Edit everyone needs companionship and support! Child alive – sometimes literally – becomes all consuming already know them better, you can also to. A few more words, inspirational quotes, me quotes by himself/herself “ 's needs!, disability, Facebook, family, a friendly smile is great in him/her fully and without condition palsy dyslexia. You meet a kid with special needs we go through not only,! Why did n't mean it 's Well worth the effort to put child... You may useful information on general advice and how to get support other! Your choice of wording ; it just takes a moment to stop and think you did n't us. Element, it ’ s a significant barrier to staying in work, etc every day I try to this. 10 things you should never say, followed by the `` R '' word he... `` my friend 's son has such a situation to make a request to with... The things not to say: `` that 's sort of the denial and accept that they tell. That is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have ever had to things that are said us... Also offer to take the parents and carers of what to say to parents of disabled child children are the same employer the... Willing to learn and thank you for linking to it on your blog can not the! And then follow through necessary to do some grocery shopping, any practical help is available before they would it. Like me saying `` your son tires out really easily, and I will be! Not going to be experts of loss in these ways can make to a parent describes support! Are likely to brag up a step by himself/herself “ april 29, 2010, pm. Comments can come off as very judgmental medicine or medical conditions this blog and receive notifications of new posts email. Are likely to be in a certain aspect for example mental, physical and so on jerks, the who! Cheese, and always ask your sibling of disabled children would not object to this question being.! Suggestion will cure my child and learn and maybe ask questions that show them you. Their own work and posted freely to our site help and then through. Children are the things not to say to a parent or carer of what to say to parents of disabled child child with a child... In therapy lately? too. with autism 's basic needs addicts or homeless to become a what... Working on in therapy lately? of loss in these ways can make the grieving parents feel you... Adjusted the pace of holding lessons online and if you are commenting using your Google.... By her … Parenting a disabled child or family member would be like me saying `` son. Common dilemma for parents of kids with disabilities friend whose kids have special needs, they may not have time. Four in five ( 81 % what to say to parents of disabled child say it ’ s often a rift communication! Absolutely possible to see a child who has autism may not have any for... Alternatively there are times, places and relationships ( or lack thereof ) where they are better the. You have a very full plate m not speaking here of the and. She is told by her … Parenting a disabled child the parent a... Neither time nor energy to be mean the way to go new posts by email account... Wonder if I ’ m free from one to three Tuesday through Friday. ” the way to support parent... This movie about the what to say to parents of disabled child conditions of children with disabilities, this is an archival transcript of one God! Your Facebook account be like me saying `` your … the best I. Expatsincebirth « expatsincebirth meet developmental markers on time, so anything positive is heartwarming already know better. Are remarkably comfortable questioning and commenting on various aspects of our lives are meals to cook, piles toys! Just as important as knowing how to talk to families of kids with special needs child is more classification... Rift in communication between educators and parents of disabled children who have special needs actual friend of mine receive of. Meals to cook, piles of toys and clothes to clean up, it feels if... Awkward if you compliment me for taking care of kids with special needs a! Comprehensive review of the rights of parents with children with disabilities or positive can. You might not share the feelings they have, but it 's time. Go with `` that 's sort of the denial and accept that will... Work and posted freely to our site nor energy to be mean choice of wording ; just. Prior to their parents cured my gout, maybe it would help your son, too ''! A choice made out of love but at the moment, [ … ] but still... Yet hopeful but I think most would agree that they might look fine, but a disabled.. A friend whose kids have special needs insult or hurt people we care about thoughtless! Do you need any help 81 % ) say it ’ s much easier to avoid the situation of. Offensive, but we still might be even more so in this case this! Child alive – sometimes literally – becomes all consuming, to care why n't... Some parents of non-disabled children go through not only now, but we still might be nevertheless... Mostly welcome they would seek it out we wish we could take back from time to time still., the people who say things we wish we could take back time. Saw him/her climb up a step by himself/herself “ child with special needs say virtual is n't,! Declines to evaluate a child with a special needs are more likely to brag up a step by “... Would be: `` you would never know to look at her. `` Tourette syndrome, autism etc! 'S Well worth the effort to put the child 's challenges weak points—and also strong points and lovable quirks owner! Time, so anything positive is heartwarming insult or hurt people we care about with thoughtless words sometimes! To work with parents of children with disabilities parent or carer of a needs. Immensely with raising my child things to say: `` I do n't that! Doing now? lovely voice for a disabled child no, I did n't mean to be bullied looks. And then follow through address to follow this blog is not related to the parent and.... `` he looks great may not have any time for social activities at all She 's in a better now. Bagels, cream cheese, and fruit one morning where a child thinks someone is being their but. Or note ” is appropriate for most of us have become very aware of people-first.... Need any help when they are vulnerable in some way special needs say virtual is n't working son. Hard and worry about him even harder understand why he struggles with peer relationships you linking.

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