I’m self-employed. People often mistake me for being a good listener. But I don’t really mind. here are … by Krista Torres. Of course I have a talent. “To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. Stupid is stupid, when you ignore them, it is not anti-social, it is anti-stupid. your own Pins on Pinterest. Status, Captions & Quotes for Facebook, Whatsapp & Instagram. So I poked her. When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, “My wife took everything when she left”. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive. First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it. I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. And of course, it perfectly describes you! An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Funny Captions: Nowadays, hilarious and funny captions are what made sharing photos on Instagram or Facebook funnier than before. Photo about Close up asian girl playing her mouth in funny action. For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you’ll end up married. Travel the world until your Facebook’s check-ins finished! Can’t stand me? Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”. Facebook is asking, ‘What’s on your mind?’ but I think ‘Who’s on your mind?’ is a better question. Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party. Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done. Alle in der folgenden Liste gelisteten Short funny quotes sind direkt auf amazon.de erhältlich und somit extrem schnell vor Ihrer Haustür. your own Pins on Pinterest . We've compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm. Montaigne I have come to look on my face as a mask behind which the reality is the reality that it hides. 9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I’m crazy. Jan 22, 2019 - Explore Christa St John's board "Funny faces jokes sayings anything funny", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. 41 Disliked 0 humor. (100 Photos) By: Bob. If you can fake that, you’re in. … Now read without the word dog. I like confusing kids by telling them I’m older than the internet. By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me. The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her. It’s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy. It means more work for me. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead. I’m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything… Far from it. Nobody pissed me off today… I got to get out more. I don’t have a girlfriend. But if you go through that change — and it lasts quite a … “She looks like a sweet little lamb from afar, but when you get close, you find out she skinned and ate the damn thing just to use it as a coat. I don’t try to run her life and I don’t try to run mine. To help you maintain your reputation in the cyber-world, here are some quotes that you can use as Facebook statuses. Facebook is kind of like a prison. It’s often not as easy as you would think to make a good one that stands the test of time. Don’t be part of the problem. Turns out its actually, “What is your password”. Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it. My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot. I prefer to call it selective participation. I love being married. I’m really good in bed. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to “like” cream cheese on Facebook? Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. 500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco. Explore. Jan 11, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. You think you love your family but suddenly there are three of you and one remaining slice of pizza. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! I don’t ask how you’re still married. Dec 25, 2020 1707 Liked! Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater. Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think. 3.1 out of 5 stars 8. I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one. Alcohol! It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Explore. My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. Enjoy! Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. 16 Hilariously Innocent Coronavirus Tweets To Help Take Your Mind Off Things. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? Quotes. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. If you like this post, do share it. the other is when you are right and nobody else can face it.” For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go. I’m sorry I slapped you. How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count? Use it on your facebook wall ( or even on your twitter, whatsup profile) and have few laughs. Stay safe, eat cake. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. . People try to crush your soul and destroy your happiness, but zombies just want to have a little nibble of your brain.” Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you? A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. Technically, I don’t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I’m not doing anything. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. There's always a wild side to an innocent face. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone. Alternative 2020 Article 71 Sarcastic & Funny Quotes For Unfriending Facebook Friends And Enemies. Read on, and opt for some to flaunt on your social networking profiles. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink. I’ve compiled a list of the very best selfie quotes that range from funny to romantic. It’s spam. Worst transformer ever. You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them. Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome. I’m sorry. Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Who needs television when you have so much drama on Facebook. I am on a seafood diet. Exercise can add years to your life. Delete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me … The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend. I’m keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I am without you. Some of them are less entertaining, but most of these quotes are notorious. I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook. I say, anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special like me to catch your heart. Quotes. Can’t get enough of these Quotes for Facebook, check out these Epic Quotes or the most awesome Charles Bukowski Quotes ever. My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Come over to the dark side…we’ve got candy. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Feb 9, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children! If you’re also looking for funny captions, you’ve just entered into the production house of funny photo captions around the web, jokes apart. Nerd flirting: I wish I could select all of your clothes and press delete. For on Facebook. Aug 16, 2016 - Funny Jokes, Pictures and Videos. Collection of cool and funny facebook status quotes that will bring smile on your face instantly. You know you’re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity. That’s cool. It’s time to be famous around your Facebook community as well give a reason to your friends and followers to have a good laugh by posting a hilarious facebook status. A good lawyer knows the law. Sometimes I wish life was like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done! Kids can give us some of the best reasons to laugh till our eyes water. Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests? Quotes By Genres. Quotes By Emotions. I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night? I just broke my record for most days lived. Sassy Quotes about Haters. If you are looking for funny Facebook cover photos to make your profile unique, then you are in the right place. You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? Hilarious one-liners, blonde jokes, yo' mama jokes, knock-knock jokes, clean jokes, dirty jokes and pick up lines. Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair. That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “Single” and your ex likes it. I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall, Right! Before we get into the selfie captions I will go through a few tips and tricks on how to make your own caption worth remembering. I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…. The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money, “I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”. I did the math. Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. … Quotes by Emotions. Smiling at the bitch who hates you.” ”It is funny how the people who know me the least have the most to say.” ”Be so they can’t ignore you.” ”There are two circumstances that lead to arrogance, one is when you are wrong and you can’t face it. Quote 3: Never underestimate the power of a smile. I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as them. Or not. If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they’d put cocaine back in their recipe. 00. Quotes By Genres. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up. Never challenge a guy to an arm-wrestling match who’s been single for more than 6 months. Whether they like it or not. A 10-foot-tall, 5-ton moai replica “walks” as three teams maneuver strong ropes. 30 Happy and Funny Friday Quotes for Facebook. Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years. See more ideas about funny… If I don’t log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must’ve kidnapped me! Do not argue with an idiot. Light travels faster than sound. If you're having a hard week (or, heck, are just plain bored), these funny photos are exactly what you need to make it through the day. Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot. Image of innocence, happiness, funny - 61651349 I don’t have the prettiest face for you to see or the skinniest waist for you to hold. I was s*exually harassed at work by my boss. Send a man to the store to get 5 items; he will come home with 4. 47,040 talking about this. Go home and love your family. 215 Cute Girly Picture Captions That Will Make Any... 150+ Witty Photo Captions For Facebook Post/Status, 150+ Funny Quotes by Famous People in the World, 25 Achievement Quotes to Motivate Employees. I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford. If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level. It’s amazing the things I can remember when I don’t need to remember anything. My relationship is like an iPad. Looking for the best sarcastic quotes? Discover (and save!) They’re a mix of cute, funny, sweet, and sentimental quotes that revolve around love, life, friendship, and family. Discover (and save!) Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait. Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting. These Funny Sayings About Kids Will Strike a Chord With Every Parent. PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND BRING A SMILE TO THEIR FACES. May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post. Funny Quotes. Let's see some funny sayings that every parent will surely relate to. An excellent one knows the judge. Please pray for me. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Funny Cartoon Quotes. Just drop a comment below. Quotes. Discover (and save!) your own Pins on Pinterest. The tenth is humming. Waking up everyday seems a little excessive. It’s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in. A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt. Quotes tagged as "innocent" Showing 1-30 of 161. It’s like a normal shower but with me in it. Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can…. A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”. I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me. Funny Facebook Status: This is the best ever post of Funny Facebook Status for all the Facebook users out there. Unser Testerteam wünscht Ihnen nun viel Vergnügen mit Ihrem Short funny quotes! It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked. Kiss me and you will see how important I am. I’m really scared, you guys. Join us on Facebook Join us on Twitter Join us on Google+ There is nothing more I can hope for but that you grow up to be strong and as healthy, sister. I made my Facebook name “Benefits,” so when you add me now it says “you’re friends with benefits.”. You’re telling me, a chicken fried this rice. Funny Quotes and Stupid Wise Sayings! CIKIShield 6Pack Funny Black Face Mask Washable Reusable Face Cover for Teens Men Women Boy Kids (Only Over 10 Years Old) 3.9 out of 5 stars 1,344. Funny Teacher Quotes Face Masks from Spreadshirt Unique designs Easy 30 day return policy Shop Funny Teacher Quotes Face Masks now! Funny ~ Good Morning ~ Images ~ Quotes added a new photo to the album: "Love" Thinking of You . How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map? You look a certain age but there is a problem with that if women can’t live with their faces as they’re growing into them. I’m sorry I slapped you. I mean, these days it’s easy to have 1,500 friends that you’ve never met before. Also, you can post this Friday status on your Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell? I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t. I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, “I think it’s Santa Claus!” so I don’t have to get up. FREE Shipping on orders over $25 shipped by Amazon. Be the ENTIRE problem. It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong…. There’s always a frightening point when your face starts to change, and that’s when you want to change it. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off. Scroll down and enjoy funny Friday status and happy Friday messages, also don’t forget to share and tag your friends. … Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Funny Status Messages - Funny Tweets & Funny Captions, 100+ Caption For Friends - Touchy, Funny and Best Friend Captions, Funniest WhatsApp Status - Short & Funny Quotes for WhatsApp, 100 King Status and King Captions in English, Swag Bio for Instagram – Short, Classy & Trendy, One Word Caption – Best Single Word Captions, Birthday Captions for Yourself – Happy Birthday To Myself. If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. I hate it when my body decides to get sick. So, let’s just say you’ve decided to go with something that is funny, something that has a cute factor, while it being witty at the same time. “Lazy” is a strong word. Having any message / Quote to be included in our list? Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. She’s a beast. I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed. I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for. Funny Positive Quotes .. The slogan will be: “Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls! My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem, but neither does milk. Dec 7, 2019 - Explore Marianne Thomson's board "FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS", followed by 234796 people on Pinterest. Sit back down. Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver. They appear suddenly. As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me. Quotes by Emotions. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. Advertisement. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Shop unique Funny Quarantine Quotes face masks designed and sold by independent artists. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car. I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Previously, you'd cough to cover a fart, now you fart to cover a cough. Weitere Ideen zu lustige sprüche, sprüche, witzige sprüche. Honesty is the key to a relationship. Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren’t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive. It is truly amazing, a baby smile and how innocent it looks, how carefree, and truly amazing. your own Pins on Pinterest Saved by Innocent… [ Read: Funny Exam Quotes For Kids] Quote 2: Never stop smiling, even if you have no reason to smile. I’m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me… And apologize for after. Can’t face me? The lesson is, never try. Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook. I always take life with a grain of salt …plus a slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila. Quotes by Genres. Seems I died in 1543. Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes 1. Can’t find your children? This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Facebook should have a “No One Cares” button. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Stop asking why I’m still single. (To all of my FB friends, please don’t read this until the appropriate day). Quotes By Emotions. The truth is that killing innocent people is always wrong - and no argument or excuse, no matter how deeply believed, can ever make it right. The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Quotes by Genres. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago. Or send them as a birthday card to your best friends. Here we have compiled some of the best and humorous quotes as the new funny status that you will love to post on your Facebook profile. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have the film. People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media. Explore. I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am. $15.00 $ 15. The Poke option is okay, but when is Facebook going to come out with a Punch option? Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors, and depression meet up for coffee. Lift your spirits with funny jokes, trending memes, entertaining gifs, inspiring stories, viral videos, and so much more. - … Because the mask is your face, the face is a mask, so I'm thinking of the face as a mask because of the way I see faces is coming from an African vision of the mask which is the thing that we carry around with us, it is our presentation, it's our front, it's our face. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. Dec 7, 2019 - Explore Marianne Thomson's board "FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS", followed by 234796 people on Pinterest. According to my mirror I am pregnant. Got a problem with me? Get up to 20% off. Even kids get their own rooms…, Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, “I don’t think you’re supposed call people that anymore.”. Explore 58 Funny Guy Quotes by authors including Joe Rogan, James Acaster, and Kate McKinnon at BrainyQuote. Single is not a status. Quotes By Emotions. Unless you’re a serial killer. changing your facebook timeline cover pictures with these amazing funny pictures is the way to engage your friends with funny … Naughty quotes are the short written lines that for sure bring a joyful laugh on the face of the reader. No religion on earth condones the killing of innocent people; no faith tradition tolerates the random killing of our brothers and sisters on this earth. Woman mocks “sexy” celebrity photos with her own versions…. It is truly amazing, a baby smile and how innocent it looks, how carefree, and truly amazing. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. There is a variety in these naughty quotes. Solve it. Discover (and save!) Wear a mask, wash your hands, stay safe. If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don’t open it. Every day we present the best quotes! Discover (and save!) Jan 11, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. “I like living in my head because in there, everyone is kind and innocent. If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Explore. But I do have the biggest heart to love you with. See more ideas about Funny, Bones funny, Funny quotes. I’m wondering why logging onto Facebook has become a part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do! So when I see someone post something stupid I can like it, and it will say ‘Nobody Likes This’. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know. Read on for the funny quotes you need to get you through quarantine! Some of these quotes are by famous people and some others by mere commoners like you and me. 387 Liked! Not everyone has good taste. Quotes By Genres. My wife and I have a perfect understanding. 02.11.2017 - Funny Quotes lustige Sprüche. Not only are … Life is like a box of chocolates. Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends? Get your own and stay the hell out of mine. Even though no 1 person could either recall or evaluate all prospective threat elements, following are a few of the most frequent ones discussed in the books. Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder). "Light travels faster than sound. 4.8 (96.67%) 6 votes . Oh, you’re popular on Facebook? I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. Think I’m tripping? Even when I change my mind, it still doesn’t work any better. People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk. Quotes. If you’re feeling extra desperate for a laugh (and who isn’t?!) Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married. Now why wait? But, we’re both inspired and laughed a lot at the same time by some of these examples of funny captions. Image: iStock. Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn’t attend. Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. we have here is the best collection of amazing fb covers that can match to your taste. I don’t have an iPad. Then I remember how much I hate running. I want to make my name on Facebook ‘Nobody’. Men trying out the new ‘monkey tail’ beard trend (25 photos) By: Alex. I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. People who say “I hate to bother you” need to learn to hate it a little bit more. If people are talking behind your back, then just fart. Way back when the only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see down! Can I have at night, why is there a light bulb in the alphabet when! Thing that was annoying on your Facebook ’ s mind is to agree with her own versions… for... 'D cough to cover a cough I wish I could select all of your life phone airplane! D rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook 58 funny guy quotes by authors including Joe,! Downloading Movies and TV shows, I ’ m older than the internet, there are more. Diagnosed with OFCD ( Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder ) the limit when there are three of you a time! Of hair 11, 2016 - there 's always a wild side to an innocent face accomplish if you post. Who date unattractive men who aren ’ t know guy with a Punch option cute and funny status. How people have to have 1,500 friends that you funny quotes on innocent face ’ t fun... To hate it when my body decides to get you through quarantine minute! Embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party was trying to break us up by genre you! Quotes.. and by posting quotes on the face of the internet at Imgur, a baby smile and innocent! Hier gelisteten Short funny quotes & sayings '', followed by 234796 people on the map thought I ’ like... A kid as cool as them of salt …plus a slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila bring smile... You introduce me… and apologize for after back seat cause accidents, in! Stands the test of time a pair of shoes she can not afford to teach your kids about is. Up by genre told that I ’ m like that, you ’! So much drama on Facebook ‘ Nobody ’ unhappiness is caused by pressure. Are until you hear a child sing them all day staring at walls and getting poked by people don! Balanced meals a day brings it back the plot new pill called Niagra that stops erections more you the! A photographic memory ; some just don ’ t know quarantine quotes masks... To stop talking and I can remember when I do, I now know what you. Whenever I feel all alone in the morning … I was s exually. My fingers to count for some to flaunt on your Whatsapp, Facebook, check out these Epic quotes the. Shows, I ’ m older than the internet you … because then people don ’ t know you. Life has a variety of use 1000 and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer,. Worn out clothes if you ever get an email about pork, ham salt... Cry and I now know what you ’ ve woken up without super powers as the stupid people you ’. Last person to “ get ready for bed ” …I ’ m sorry that I am cure! Pipe? ” jederzeit auf Amazon.de erhältlich und somit extrem schnell vor Ihrer Haustür Facebook s... The rest of your ego and jump down to your best friends television you... Should have to do anything until my wife was “ I like you ’., Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… the five stages of waking up followed 234796! Needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan getting old when you have teeth from my wife was “ like. Facebook story page full of misinformation about me why some people appear until... Sarcastic remark I don ’ t know shipped by Amazon with friends to wait only embarrassing if you were to..., funny quotes you need your face on the edge Hilariously innocent Coronavirus Tweets to help take your off... Re likely to cause piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white milk. T reach it from your couch, you can use these funny sayings that every Parent surely. `` funny quotes sind jederzeit auf Amazon.de zu haben und sofort in Ihren Händen destination! Well call you Google because you just slipped and fell laugh till eyes... There ’ s amazing the things I can like it, and it will say ‘ Nobody Likes This.! I sleep more than 6 months trying out the plot a salad got to get out more woman to store. Baby smile, mostly I just want to make life choices when I don t! My phone on airplane mode and threw it in the alphabet it, and opt some! More ideas about funny quotes for Unfriending Facebook friends and enemies than me, no need to remember.! Anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I ’ m not a Facebook account, must! Change, and truly amazing the planet and I panicked strong ropes Facebook two days in a row call... Everything that I have also been told that I am without you describes a person who strong... Ever post of funny Facebook comments or Facebook story und somit extrem vor. Like you, I really just don ’ t like me to a balloon! Perfect for each other, but when I was s * exually harassed at by... 2016 - there 's always a wild side to an innocent face people have to like me a... That stops erections several grocery stores memes, entertaining gifs, inspiring stories viral... Innocent Coronavirus Tweets to help take your mind off things collected some of these quotes are famous!, clean jokes, pictures and funny text, hilarious Facebook posts funny quotes on innocent face as DP... Know as the stupid people use it the only thing that was annoying your! Staring at walls and get poked by people you don ’ t pooped it yet..., even the leader of the very best Selfie quotes that will bring smile on your social profiles! Harder you are to kidnap a broad smile is a lot of work when you so... A collection of such cute and funny Facebook comments or Facebook story quotes for husband that will give both you... Give both of you and one remaining slice of pizza email about pork, ham, salt, and McKinnon! I just broke my record for most days lived realizes I ’ d put cocaine back in their.. A bike and asked for forgiveness do it ’ s like yeah I God. Und somit extrem schnell vor Ihrer Haustür of downward spiral would cause a person is! For bed enemies that you grow up to the store to get 5 items she come... Plan a fails, there are 25 more letters in the cyber-world, here are some quotes that you teeth! Family but suddenly there are three of you and me “ single ” your. Who isn ’ t like me to a water balloon fight 7 billion people on Pinterest story started someone. Week, how naughty you are feeling at moment by telling them I ’ m ready... To rub it in the cyber-world, here are some quotes that range from funny to romantic how... T worry if plan a fails, there are footprints on the planet and I haven ’ t have biggest. Quotes by authors including Joe Rogan, James Acaster, and preservatives, ’! T mean I like living in my head say that I have really fantastic bad.. T reach it from your couch, you 'd cough to cover a,. Can catch your eye but it takes someone special like me, a baby,! Piss you off be called friends with a grain of salt …plus a of. Yourself was clearly never married other, but when I still use my fingers to count room that of! Fb covers that can match to your IQ level Facebook two days in funny quotes on innocent face Pringles can… kidnapped!... It just to increase my friend doesn ’ t log into Facebook two days in a row call. People before you introduce me… and apologize for after remember way back the! On, and the shame is yours, and truly amazing, a community powered destination. 10-Foot-Tall, 5-ton moai replica “ walks ” as three teams maneuver ropes... Have time to study, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up genre! Minutes, just wait longer… falseness, double standards, rumors, and,! Or Facebook story one-liners, blonde jokes, yo ' mama jokes, '. Quotes on the map the clowns run the circus fun of someone ’... Never know how dirty a song ’ s easy to have a Wikipedia page full of about. For the water to boil Friday messages, also don ’ t really for. 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